Hello! Today we have a recipe and a lesson. Except not in that order. And sadly, no pictures. Mostly because I've been crazy-pants busy the past two weeks and my family has been eating a lot of Little Caesar's $5 pizza-to-go. Also leftovers. From weeks ago. They don't want to talk about it.
Anyway, I just thought I'd share some cooking wisdom with you, along with some wicked-fabulous frosting that is good on everything. Except maybe steak. And eggs. I like to use icing on those.
Chocolate Sand (Recipe for the Real Frosting Follows)
1 Batch Chocolate Fudge Frosting For Which Your Child Has Lost Her Head And Used Granulated Sugar Instead of Powdered
1 Large Pot
-Stare at batch of messed-up frosting. Try to keep face expressionless so as not to embarrass child and leave her with emotional scars you'll have to spend her college tuition to get therapied out of her. Decide you can save the frosting — and thereby your child — because sugar, chocolate chips and butter are expensive. Not to mention, tasty. And you can probably boil the snot out of the whole mess and turn it into fudge. I mean, that is what fudge is made out of, yeah?
-Pour daughter's frosting into large pot. Place on stove and turn burner to medium-high. Smile at child and tell her it's okay, you've done this sort of thing a lot. Except you haven't. So you'll be lying. This is where you decide what kind of character you have, and then throw it out the window because your child's psyche is more important.
-Bring to rolling boil (the frosting, not the child) and boil the living shortcake out of the thing for like 10 minutes, or until it reaches softball stage. Baseball stage works too.
-Pour into pan. Worry that this might not have worked.
-Wait for it to cool. Dig into the center of it with a soup spoon.
-Hear grinding sound.
-Grimace. Morph grimace into smile and stick giant spoonful of fudge in your mouth. Reminisce about your dental work. Chew.
-Voilá. Chocolate Sand.
Sand-Free Chocolate Fudge Frosting
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup butter (NEVER margarine, or I shall follow your IP address to your home and revoke your cooking license)
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (milk chocolate chips are for wussies)
1 tsp. vanilla
2 1/2 cups Powdered sugar. (Not granulated. Powdered. POWDERED. No little sugary grains of sand.)
-Place milk and butter in a saucepan. Bring to boil. Remove from heat.
-Blend in chocolate chips and stir until melted. Off the heat. For reals. They will melt.
-Add vanilla and powdered sugar. Beat until of spreading consistency. Thin with milk if desired.
-Spread on cakes, cupcakes, muffins, graham crackers, backs of spoons, pieces of cardboard, all the fingers of your left hand, whathaveyou. Lick off. Throw cake and other leftovers away.
-Ta-da! Easy peasy.
Wait! I have a picture for you: