Do you remember that one time when your teenage son–who has always been terribly shy about having friends over and could not be talked into having a party to save his life and you despaired that he'd never get married because of it and never have children and you'd never be a grandmother and then your golden years would be ruined–all of a sudden out of the blue decided to have a New Year's party this year? With all of his friends?
And then do you remember that one time when your kid had the party and you freaked out and decided to distill all of the parties he should have had for the past three years into this one party to make up for it, and so you went a little crazy with the food and the decorations, and included on the menu things like smoked salmon and smoked salmon schmear and guacamole and jalapeno pepper jelly, and all the things teenagers don't love? And do you remember that one time when the only thing the guests ate were the chips and skittles you threw on the bar at the last second because "Gosh, Mrs. Miller! I ate before I came!" So then you had like 87 metric tons of random food left over?
Do you remember that?
I do. It was painfully recent. And I had beaucoup de leftoverage that I needed to do something with. What's more, on the day I needed to do something with the guacamole and the salsa and the cream cheese and the smoked salmon and the limes, I had a couple of boys around here who were irritated with yours truly–for reasons that we will not go into now but they involved nagging–and yours truly needed to get back on the men's good side. Sooooo, I figured their good side was best tunneled into through their stomachs. AHA! Two birds, one stone, baby! I killed the leftovers AND the narsty feelings by putting them all into a soup and feeding them to my main men. And now they love me again.
Psh. Like THAT was ever really a problem.
Here it is, laydeez and jents. My own personal recipe for Guacamole Soup. It is divine. And it will save your marriage.
2 cups water
1 Knorr chicken bouillon cube, or 1 Tbsp Knorr bouillon powder, or 2 small chicken bouillon cubes (I like Knorr. The flavor is mahvelous. Plus I used to only be able to get it when I lived in Germany, and that made me feel all international and stuff. So when it came here, I thought, AH! Culture! And I started buying it again.)
1 1/2 cups milk (From skinny cows or fat cows. Either kind works. I use skinny cow, but that's just me.)
2 cups chunky guacamole (I really think you should make this from scratch. You should. I shouldn't. I should buy mine pre-made from Costco. And I should make sure it is uber chunky and fabu. Not that narsty gelatinous stuff you get at the grocery store. Ick.)
1 cup chunky salsa (See guacamole note above. Same thing applies here.)
1 Tbsp cumin (I always thought this was pronounced "Cyooomin," but I have been corrected and told it is "Cooomin." "Cooomin" sounds stupid. I like "Cyoooomin." And "Cyoooomin" tastes better.)
Juice of 1 lemon (None of that bottled stuff, folks. Work out your biceps. It's best that way.)
Juice of 1 lime (Ditto)
8 oz brick cream cheese (You could probably leave this out if you're worried about calories. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *sniff* I'm so funny. No really though, you might get away with using less, or using that reduced calorie stuff, or even using fat-free sour cream, but then no one would ever speak to you again and you'd have to ask yourself if it was worth it.)
1/2 to 2/3 cup smoked salmon, chopped (or shrimp or chicken)
Salt and pepper to taste (I actually did not add any salt. There was plenty in the broth and guac and tortilla chips. But as I've said before, it's a free blog. It's up to you.)
Garnishes: Tortilla chips, chopped avocado, fresh tomato, lime slices, chopped fresh cilantro, fresh onion, cheese (You want at least the chips. And everything else. I know, because all I had was the chips. It was fabulous. Imagine how much more transcendent it would be with the rest of the garnishes.)
–Bring water to boil. Add bouillon and simmer until dissolved
–Add milk and bring to boil
–Whisk in guacamole and salsa. Cook until warm over medium heat.
–Add cumin, lemon juice and lime juice. Stir to combine.
–Add cream cheese cubes. Stir until partially melted.
–Add smoked salmon.
–Salt and pepper to taste (Like I said, I didn't add salt)
–Warm at a bubbling simmer for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally
–Serve in bowls. Garnish with tortilla chips, and any or all of the other garnishes.
Lonely food from my fridge. So lonely it is blurry. *weep* It needs to become soup.
Knorr bouillon dissolving artistically in hot water. My dissolving broth is said to have been the inspiration for Van Gogh's Starry Night.
Milk and broth in the company of Salsa and Guacamole. First date. I think it is going to work out well.
Adding the citrus. I heart fresh citrus. Hearty heart heart. It should be President.
And cream cheese should be the First Lady.
Adding the salmon and the cream cheese. The salmon is in there. It's just being considerate and not taking the First Lady's limelight. It's probably her chief of security.
A steaming bowl of Guacamole soup, looking for more garnishes and a side of grilled chicken with tomatillo ranch dressing.
Hurry up and throw a party and serve too much food so you can have leftovers and make this soup. It is calling you. And it is saying:
Yum, amigos. Happy Teenaged New Year!